you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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