I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
