I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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