my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I FOUND THE LEGS
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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