I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
