you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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