my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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