It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Someone came in the potted fern
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
