He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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