i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
