and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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