She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I intend to get homeless drunk
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
