if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
