I feel like I'm in dance class right now
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
