Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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