Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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