I just made out with a guy for $7.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
