I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
