Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
