her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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