So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Randomize
