I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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