my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
