I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
