I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
