I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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