Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
