So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
