Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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