You're my little dorito
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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