I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
