we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
