I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
