and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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