walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
