she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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