it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
