and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
