the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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