I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
