I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
