I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
