blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
