But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
