Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
