I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
