Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
