Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
