fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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