I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
